Claws Across America

by Krab Legz

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    designed by Ryen Eggleston of Golden Boots and Haboob fame

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  • Claws Across America Krab Legz / Crab Legs Split 6"
    Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Krab Legz - Tucson AZ
    Crab Legs - Fargo, ND

    Includes unlimited streaming of Claws Across America via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

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1.
04:06

about

This is the Tail of Two Crab Legs.

There once was band called Crab Legs in Fargo, ND. A bunch of punks, doing their thing. But several years into the career of the Fargo Crab Legs, a new Crab Legs came on the scene. A couple of weirdo whippersnappers from Tucson, AZ named King and Snow. The Fargo Crab Legs decided that the US wasn't big enough for two Crab Legs and sent a Cease and Desist order to the Tucson Crab Legs.

Both sides agreed that they didn't trust the corrupt American Legal System and Prison Industrial Complex. So, they decided that the only way to settle it was a West Side Story style RUMBLE. A date was set, and it was agreed that the rumble would take place halfway between them on the neutral turf of Selden, KS, and that winner would take complete control of the Crab Legs moniker. High kicks were kicked, fingers were snapped, leather jackets (studded black for the Fargo Crab Legs, brown suede Members Only for the Tucson duo) littered the parking of the Selden Waffle House. After the dust settled, it was clear that the Fargo contingent had the Tucson boys outnumbered, and despite the fact that King pulled a switchblade comb (he claimed coiffure self-defense), they were roundly defeated.

Despite a decisive victory by the Fargo bros, the Tucson dudes refused to honor their agreement and threatened to crowdfund a smear campaign in the press to malign the punk integrity of the victors. They claimed to have evidence that various members had once owned Backstreet Boys pillowcases (non-ironically), and yearbook photos that would prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that a certain unnamed member had once "been into Phish".

Luckily, world renown record label owner, Michael Dixon of PIAPTK Recordings, happened to be sitting in the window of the Waffle House, watching the melee. And in an effort to keep Iowa Ave (strangely, 80% of streets in Selden, KS are named after other states) from running red with the blood of struggling musicians, he stepped in. Always a peacemaker (and opportunist), Dixon saw an intense artistic human interest story that he could take financial advantage of. He made a deal that will go down in history as one of the shrewdest music business moves that had even been negotiated in Selden in late August of 2015. The Tucson Crab Legs would receive a cash payout to change their name to Krab Legz (the exact monetary payment has not been disclosed, but there are rumors that it was in the high double digits), and in return, and as a sign of friendship and hatchet burial, the Fargo Crab Legs would agree to release a split 7" with Krab Legz on the PIAPTK label for charity (though rumors have persisted that PIAPTK stood to benefit heavily from the release as a tax shelter). A new non-profit organization was founded for the occasion called Claws Across America, which was intended as the torchbearer to previous peace and love based initiatives such as "We Are The World", "Free Tibet", "Artists Against Apartheid", and "Mark Zuckerberg Invest A Billion Dollars in Kanye Ideas".

You can contribute to Claws Across America by purchasing this piece of history on clear, square, lathe cut 6" vinyl. All proceeds go to promoting peace between bands formerly or presently known as Crab Legs.

- Michael Dixon

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released March 9, 2016

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